One damn day at a time

its been a year since you left
it may as well be an eternityof sleepless nights and cold empty days
haunted by the ghost of our past
then on a day just like any other
i see you
standing there across the street
a few steps from where i am
to me you may as well be a billion miles away
so near and yet so far i walk towards you
each step as hard as the next
my heartbeat so loud
i feel it is audible to all around me
you look up and our eyes meet
yours widen for a moment
and i find out that you still take my breath away
we stand silent for a while
unsure of what to do
then, as difficult as it is for me
i smile at you and say hi..you return my smile and say hello
you ask how ive been
i say ive been ok..but deep down inside my heart is screaming
"ive been dying inside since you leftl
iving a life so empty without you
incomplete without your smile
im listless without your touch
deaf without your words
ive been blind with no you for me to see
everything seems black and grey just like an empty piece of a shell
i drift through my existense
just getting by
ONE DAMN DAY AT A TIME"
but my mouth stays silent
we stand for a moment
uncertain of what to do..i have to go you say.. i say i have to go too
then we go our separate ways
i want to turn back and catch a one final glimpse of you
but i wont
i cling on to the curse that is my pride
struggling, i try to rebuild the walls placed around my heart
they threaten to overwhelm me
to bring me to my knees
but i succeed
slowly, i wipe the rebellious tear rolling down my cheek
i pray for rain so that i could hide the tears that threaten to spill out
i gaze at the sunny sky aboveso stark in contrast to what i feel
to the point of being insulting
"there he goes", i say to myself
"there goes the only thing that made me feel whole..
"i wipe another tear as i continue to walk forward
not really knowing where to go
only one thing is certain..
where im going.. no matter what happens..
he wont be there.
so i allow myself to turn back.
i watch his shape get smaller and smaller
walking further and further away from me
and then, with my mending heart breaking to pieces again..
i whisper.. "goodbye"